no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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