i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
