Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
