I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
