im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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