I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
