My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
