i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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