i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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