goodnight i made you a song goodbye
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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