I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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