It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
