Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
