hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
