Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
