I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
