he thought i was a dude.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
