He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
