even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
