Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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