oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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