god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
