If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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