So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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