lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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