do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
