Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
two words: eviction party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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