when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
