Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
