Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
