Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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