I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
