I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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