There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
