We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
