My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
