Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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