I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
