It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
