Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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