Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
