I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
