we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
