I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
