I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
