I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
