why didn't you poke me back
I want to make a zoo with you.
I smell stomach acid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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