I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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