Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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