Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
