okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
