fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
